sugar mama

I like sugar, but I'm not a mama.

Yesterday was a tough day for Sophie. And that means it was a tough day for me. She's teething and has all these skin problems like eczema, and she was so bothered by it all that she wouldn't stop crying. Every time I put her down she would freak out until I picked her up again, and she's not as light as balloon anymore. I was pretty horrible in that I got frustrated with her; somehow I'd forgotten that she wasn't doing it for mere attention--she's a freaking baby and that's what babies do when they're upset about something. I was idiotic in assuming that she knew better and got fed up a few times. Thank God my sister was here to take her. Yea I feel pretty stupid about that. Maybe I've been inside for too long and lost sense of reality. I mean all I have are the internet and cable TV-- but you can only look at hollywoodrag.com and Disney morning children shows and feel connected to the world for so long. She's doing much better today though. She's trying so hard to crawl but her stomach's too big that she stays in one spot flailing her arms and legs without progressing. She looks like she's swimming.

All this babysitting and doing nothing productive this summer has helped me decide that I don't want to settle down. Yet. The summer's going the way that I had hoped and prayed it would go. After forgoing a research grant and grad school, I decided that I was going to do a lot of family and friend stuff. Just to be with people. I haven't had just an extended amount of chill time since 9th grade. Missions trips, jobs, traveling and all that kept me away from home and chilling to the max. So in Denmark the importance of such actions hit me, and I spent a lot of quality down time with the friends that I'd made, and I really looked forward to coming home and doing all the types of stuff that I did while abroad-- to chill. To just take a seat and not rush or force any activity, but to have quality time in all different forms. So I've been babysitting, going out to dinner, watching movies, shopping, beaching, making and sharing Rice Krispies Treats, etc. Doesn't sound too exciting, and it's not, but I really like it. I kinda feel like Eddie Murphy in Daddy Day Care or some other main character of a movie where (s)he returns home from a voyage of some sort. Except I'm not a black male and don't star in a motion picture.

But as much as I enjoy being home and doing all the boring home stuff, I'm getting antsy and want to get out and do all this stuff. I don't even know what I would do- but graduating from Bryn Mawr and getting a job would be nice. Being away from the college has made me appreciate the place more and I'm actually really looking forward to going back. Sure, I have my qualms about returning to the bastion of feminist ideals and liberal education, but they're not the typical ones that others would expect. As ridiculous as it sounds, I look forward to working on my thesis and writing another research paper and taking yet another lab class. When I actually get there and start studying my outlook will have definitely changed, but for now I'm excited. There's so much other crap I'd like to do and get into but the trouble is choosing.. and then the next challenge is to get accepted into whatever I want to do. But I'll worry about that later. But yea. Looking forward to all this other stuff makes me know I'm not ready to settle down. It's almost every girl's dream to find the right guy, live in the right house and have the right children. I'm not any different-- but I can wait a little longer for that to come.

But. What am I supposed to do while people are being kidnapped and shot in foreign lands? What can I do?

whoa i've written on this for two consecutive days

I'm usually too lazy to be diligent - especially about this. But Sophie's sleeping and I don't want to watch TV.

Sophie's my 6-month old cousin. The baby cousin in my family used to be my little sister, who's 15 now, but my youngest aunt had her first baby in January. It's been so long since there was a baby in the family, and they're all bundles of joy. But this one especially is seriously a gift from God in my eyes. Halmuhnee left in September, and it was as if the light turned off on us. It was just so horrifically sad, and when we were together it became even more unbearable. Then came Sophie, and she's a joy. I don't know how else to describe her- just her existence makes me tearfully happy.

I had nothing big planned for the summer, so I babysit Mondays and Tuesdays, and for two different weeks I'm at her house all week. Her dad is like 6 foot something and her mom's my height, but luckily she seems to have been blessed with her dad's tall-genes because she's a really long baby. It's incredible- she was born premature and was the tiniest thing ever (holding her felt like holding a balloon), but now she's so huge and has all these rolls. My right arm feels like Jello from holding her. She loves the mirror- if she's crying all I do is take her into the hallway and her face crunches up into smiles rather than cries. She's on the verge of crawling-- she can quickly turn onto her stomach, but she can't move anywhere. Her arms and legs move as if she's swimming, but her stomach's the only part of her body touching the floor so she doesn't get anywhere unless she rolls. Sometimes she rolls too hard and hits her head and starts to cry. Then I take her to the mirror.

I like babies. But I think my favorite age is around 3-5. That's when the kid is starting to accomplish things for himself, like asking for juice or water and going to the bathroom on his own (semi-on his own). It's when they really start learning skills and manners and they're the most teachable. And they're fun. muahaha. I think I'd be a great aunt. My sisters better have a lot of babies that I can mess with. I'm not sure how I'd do as a mom- but I'm confident in my abilities as an eemo.

I'm not taking payment for babysitting- I just told my aunt to feed me. And she bought all this amazing junk food (Toblerone, Double Vanilla Edy's ice cream, sweet potato chips, Tostitoes, guacamole and salsa, cake mix, cakes) and thus I am screwed. I wanted to look nice this weekend for my other aunt's wedding but I'm faced with all this junk. Delicious junk, but junk nonetheless.

post-Copenhagen

I've been home for over a month now. I can't remember that date that I've been home, but since I got back I've gone to New Orleans, watched my sister graduate, babysat, changed my face, dropped my sister off at Yale, seen my mom off to Korea, and more-- but not in that order. Maybe it's 2 months... It's probably about 1.72 months since I last saw the landmass of Europe.

The contents of this blog cover only the first half of my stay in Denmark. The first two months were rough.. the sun set by 4 pm and it was complete darkness when I got out of class. The weather just added onto other little things and I wasn't the happiest JYA girl. But after the 3 week travel break I felt more like myself. I started this blog so I could write in it often so I would have a record of my experience-- but I got lazy and now I can't remember the stuff that I want to remember...

Alright- I just looked through my pictures and my memory's coming back.. The family and I made our way back to Milano and stayed in a hotel. It was kind of a waste because the place was really nice but we only had time to shower and repack our stuff-- our flights started at 5.30 am the next morning. So our cab driver was really nice and helped us with our stuff- and when there was all this confusion about flights and lines and check-in, he stopped eating his breakfast and ran around the terminal for us, figuring out what to do. With his help we got things situated, and after saying bye I got on a flight to Brussels. There were 10 people on that flight, including me. They stuck me by the bathroom in the back, but it wasn't so bad because everyone was passed out and didn't use it, and I got to spread out and take a lil nap. The Brussels airport was rather lame-- they didn't even sell waffles in there. What's the point of having a lay-over in Belgium if I can't get any Belgian waffles? I settled for a lil sandwich and walked around the hella long terminal a lot because I forgot what gate I was supposed to go to. I got back to Copenhagen, and it felt so strange when I realized that I had missed the city. That relief you feel when you come back to a comfortable place-- that's what I never expected to feel in Denmark, but I was really looking forward to getting back. I took the s-train back to Hoje Taastrup, and I walked into a busy house. Everyone was dressed nicely and preparing all this food. The next day was Easter Sunday, but because my host dad's a pastor and he'd be at church all day, our family was having Easter lunch the day before. So I literally dropped my bags, took a shower, tied my hair, and went downstairs to a 6 hour meal. Danish dinner parties can last from 6 to 12 hours, and Easter and Christmas meals are the most significant. I was running on 2 hours of sleep, and was pretty much delirious by the time I sat down at the table, but what could I do-- it was Easter lunch. We had pickled herring, rodbrod, eggs, all that good stuff. Then the casseroles and frikadeller came out. And the alcohol. Danish schnapps are really strong- and I thought you were supposed to take it in shots. But the parents were like "oh no no no!!!! we want you to live through this meal." It tastes strongly of cinnamon- and it makes you make the "chyaaaaa" noise after a sip. I left the table about 3 hours later, and went to bed at 8pm that night.


The next day was Easter, and the First International Baptist Church that I attended held Easter service in song. A number of people had been preparing a lil concert thing- "something something and the Lion of Judah." and basically the service was the concert. But it was so blessing. Again, it wasn't really my style-- but it was beautiful nonetheless.

Back at school nothing changed much. Criminology still sucked, Modern Scandinavian Literature was boring, Environmental History was confusing to understand because the prof talks in circles with an English accent, and my Danish class was awesome as always. There were more trips though. We read Isak Dinesen's- really Karen Blixen- "Out of Africa" and took a trip to her Danish house. The Danish classes went to the FCK vs. Odense football game. I went to the largest reforestation scheme in Denmark with Env. History-- it's a huge beach and forest along the northern coast of Sjaelland (Zealand).

Karen Blixen's backyard/haven for birds, Karen Blixen in her grave-me-Sam, pregaming for the FCK football game, all those red seats are the opposing team (from another city on Jylland), Tisvilde Hagn - the reforestation scheme, the beach of Tisvilde Hagn, rape seed fields (they're more impressive in person and in other people's pictures-- this is the closest I got to them unfortunately..)





The Queen had her birthday sometime in April, and I went along with the rest of Denmark to wish her a Happy Birthday in the square. The new Danish Princess was born, too. I was getting ready to go to the Royal Ballet to watch "Napoli" when I heard the news that the Princess was born, and at the ballet the Queen was there so it was extra special. But I thought it was kinda weird- shouldn't she have been at the hospital with her family instead of at the ballet? The weather in Copenhagen is absolutely freakin beautiful- the total opposite of the dead winter.

Micro-brewery hopping, Nyhavn, international ultimate frisbee group, Danish class on the way to see the Queen




In Barcelona we met some Germans and immediately befriended them in one day. We stayed in touch and Anna and I decided that we wanted to take a weekend trip and visit them in Konstanz. It's funny- they show pictures of it in karaoke places. You know how sometimes they just random background scenes during a song? There's a lot of images from the Bodensee (Lake Constance). The weekend was a little rainy in southern Germany but it was still a nice time.

The Fall of the Rhein, Old Konstanz, Konstanz City Hall and my pretzel blocking out the person in front of me, playground on the Flower Island, spaetzle and bratwurst, we taught the Germans how to eat apples with peanut butter- and this is our other ghetto dessert with the crapload of chocolate I bought, I forget the name of this one- but a town on the other side of Lake Constance, spaghetti ice, more of the Fall






My Danish class was a total of 12 women- the intensive Danish class. It's better that there were no guys- we got pretty personal in class if you know what I mean. Our teacher's name is Suzanne, and she lives the perfect life that we all imagined her to have. She's like the quintessential Danish woman- she's got the perfect personality and brains, beautiful sons, she loves her job, and US :) She invited us for a dinner party at her place in Holte.





And the last night there was a gathering for our program at "Den Glaede Gris" - "the happy pig." It's dubbed "the american bar" because of how many of us go there. My friend and I ran into another guy that we met at the beginning on the Carlsberg Brewery tour - our going out came full circle.


Caroline- that's our kitchen counter, the movie theater, Anna and Aidan, Denmark Pride



Okay that should be it. Not exactly, but it's a gist.. I've been missing Denmark lately. And the people I met. Too bad the timing was so off.

Now my days are full of baby-sitting, washing dishes, going to the supermarket, doing laundry, and walking my cousin's dog. Life's been boring but it's kinda good. And random stuff comes up all the time. My back is so burnt right now from the beach a few days ago. I need to find a dress for my aunt's wedding this Saturday. ahhhhh

I will try to write more coherent and better-thought out entries from now on. Because I'm taking dna's advice and using this as my nonexistent book.